sakibakidaki

on my way back from bukit jalil after a nice match, relieved that i’m wearing yellow instead of blue like my other two siblings, i’ve been thinking about what Aten had said last year.

Last year and I only took it seriously now?

not really..she keeps on repeating the line all over whenever anything strucks me

"kau takut disakiti hingga menyakiti"

I think it’s true. Having my friends get ditch by their boyfriend hurts me…I know if I ever be in their shoes, I can’t handle it. I’m afraid to be hurt, and because of that I rather not experiencing whatever sweet moment that maybe I could treasure if I had a boyfriend.

But now I realise that having myself not to be hurt, might hurt others who came to me. The only way to not hurt those who could possibly be hurt by me is to avoid as many people as possible. To avoid people means i’m isolating myself. In my "usaha" towards isolating myself, I get alienated by people. Somehow, I still get hurt but in different angle…u see? Life’s too complicated for me.

And it’s hard for me to trust words. Words betray me all the time. ( if only u know what i mean, if no, don’t ask ) I still believe that action speaks louder than words. I STILL DO. and always will.

the conclusion?

aku takut didekati. aku tak mahu disakiti. aku takut disakiti. menyebabkan aku menyakiti.

paham?

p/s : aku x rase pon akan jumpe bende atau org yg akan mengatasi ketakutan aku tuh..sigh

I saw a bulletin the other day asking, "Why are you single?" I usually respond because of my egoistical need for everyone to know my opinion. The reason I didn’t is because I couldn’t come up with a one line answer that summed it all up…hence a blog. So, here’s 16 reason

1.Because I like hanging out with my friends. You would too, but you seem to need my undivided attention EVERY TIME we go out.

2. I don’t get lonely. I know how to occupy myself and enjoy my own company. I know that may be hard to realize, but if you had that quality too, I would like you more.

3. I recognize the advantages to being single, and I see the glass half full.

4. Because I have a hard time believing anything you say.

5. Because I am not going to change. I may grow up a little, but I am set….thank you.

6. Because I can’t  understand what you could possibly see in me. You must have low standards.

7. Because you mistake my kindness for weakness. You seem to think that I will do almost anything for you because I am scared to lose you. Never stopping to think that maybe I am just a good girl who cares about you.

8. I think Sponge Bob Square Pants is funny as hell.

9. I never found the guy who can keeps me laughing non-stop for 5 minutes other than my big brother.

10. I can’t keep promises so I don’t want to make any.

11. I hate breaking hearts. that includes mine.

12. I have activities that keeps me occupied all day long.

13. U don’t believe I’m a good cook and I can sew.

14. I don’t feel the urge to have one when all my friend does. I’m living in my own angkasaraya.

15. what’s wrong being single???

16. single is the only way i’ve ever known.

I am single because I know this: I know am not going to be single forever and know that there are certain things you can do while single that you can’t when your not. You may be a cool guy but, I can live without you just fine. If you want me to hate being single, that’s up to you. =)

okay, so here’s the controversial one.

i promised the girls to write this thing and it won’t be broken. i don’t give a damn to whatever u guys might think after reading…i JUST don’t

-boys of integomb-

they should be called BOYS instead of guys cause all of them are really immature though they might be excellent in add math ngan physics.

I will never forget the un-gentlemen-ness surrounding. our boys cut line at the dining hall. at koperasi they always yell to buy some stupid blueberry bun to fill their bloody stomach. during classes they turn out late and get in to the lab first ignoring the girls who have waited at least 5 minutes before them-it’s so unfair! in the bus they’ll never stand and give the seat to any girl standing. they didn’t help to clean the class (except during hari gotong-royong). they laugh at us when they’re going to f1 without us. taking rewards they don’t deserve..etc etc.

the most pathetic thing about integomb boys especially the f5 student is you cannot shut up their fucking mouth who keeps on mengumpat-ing the girls…eventually when i wrote, sum of them will read this and they’ll spread whatever i wrote in here to the whole batch..i am a fortune teller, u see.. they’re so predictable cuz the modus operandi never differ.

but someone diverted my perception…someONE..but EVERYone is still the same..

conclusion, having a boyfriend from integomb is a stupid desicion.

thank you.

yay..finally i’m home again after a week of super hectic schedule at school. its sunday without sun… since it’s sunday, So of course.. here I am going crazy. What is it about Sundays that completely throw me off? I know it must have something to do with that Sunday air. You can feel it. It’s actually takes more energy to walk through Sunday air than any other day because it’s so thick. It weighs me down. People tend to pair Sunday with God. I think the opposite is true. Sunday is the devils’ work. Ok.. so, for all of you extremely religious people, I don’t literally mean the devils’ work. I just think it’s shouldn’t be paired with good.~

To be perfectly fair to Sunday, I don’t think that’s the only reason why I’ve felt weird lately. I’m just sort of scapegoating Sunday. It’s easy to blame the day before school. It’s easy to blame the day I don’t get to see anybody. It’s easy to blame the day with the thick air. Generally, I’ve felt different lately. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I feel like I need to tell someone something. I feel like there’s something I need to get out. But that’s just it… I have nothing to tell. I haven’t done anything.. so why do I feel like I’m keeping a secret from the world? Ok. So that was insanely cliche. But at least I got my point across, right? Although you are rolling your eyes, at least you understand.~

I could feel we were right there, so I laid it down, everything I wanted to tell him, and… and he says to me, he says… "Nobody should ever need another person that badly." Do you believe that? "Nobody should ever…!" What is that? Is that something you saw on TV?  I’m saying I love you, is that so wrong? Is that not allowed anymore?  And so what if I did need him? Is that so bad? All right, crucify me, I need him! So what! I don’t want to be by myself, I’m by myself I feel like I’m going out of my mind, I do. I sit there, I’m thinking forget it, I’m not gonna make it through the next ten seconds. I just can’t stand it. But I do, somehow, I get through the ten seconds, but then I have to do it all over again, cause they just keep coming, all these… Seconds, floating by, while I’m waiting for something to happen, I don’t know what, a car wreck, a nuclear war or something, that sounds awful but at least there’d be this instant when I’d know I was alive. Just once. Cause I look in the mirror, and I can’t believe I’m really there. I can’t believe that’s me.

p/s : lol rofl lmao lmfao… use real words just type "hahahaha" or something bastards. My friendster has exploded with all people i know in real life (except deadsy) thanks to everybody for making me feel so popular. i am working towards the drumset for teachers day and if it does happen with no money involved it would be supercool… and i added some more pics of beautiful me. have a nice day.